i battle with a body primed to run   

the same as yesterday

what haven’t i done? 

what have i done?

i haven’t taken my pills 

i have taken my pills every day 

a guilty urge to hide in bed 

it’s then i remember

we’re still in lockdown

i think of my feet 

i feel into my hands

.

interrupting my tricks to fix

a familiar sound

thumping feet on the floorboards 

a wide gait trot

from his bedroom to mine

.

he pauses at the edge of my mattress

giggles when he meets my eyes

roughly pulls up the doona 

bums his way into bed

and begins stroking my skin

mummy’s shoulder he sighs

then moves his hand to my mouth

Shhhhhhhhh

.

we have time this morning

a suburb away 

today his sisters are with their dad 

no school runs

no disability day service 

just him and i 

with nothing in particular

to have to do

.

Shhhhhhhhh i copy 

blowing the sound onto his hand

do it again he delights

Shhhhhhhhh i sound 

onto his forehead 

.

He rests his face onto mine

the hair on his chin 

a soft prickle on my cheek

my exhale slows

he sniffs at my mouth

wincing at my un-brushed breath

he pushes my shoulder away 

cuddle Mummy’s back

i laugh and turn

.

he spoons in close 

strokes the skin on my collar bone

his nose tip touching the back of my neck

Mummy’s shoulder he sighs 

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